Posted: 5/7/22
While not an exact science, I often find myself influenced by the training in psychology when working as a fundraiser, sales person or relationship-builder. Sometimes therapy practices can be very helpful, and other times challenging. Regardless, you still need to be yourself and let your natural personality shine through.
It might be part psychological training and part personality when it comes to relationship-building roles, but the therapy training did teach ways to find a real connection with clients. The use of empathy, listening, mirroring and observation all can help to make that connection. The key here, whether intentional or simply human nature, is to meet the client where they present. If the client is depressed and somber, you may need to react in a similar fashion, maybe quiet with extended listening, or if the client is excited and hyper, you may react in an energetic, positive fashion to meet his/her presenting personality. This became natural to me and I eventually did it without even thinking about it.
The same holds true with prospective donors in fundraising as well as customers in sales. If you meet with a donor who presents as serious, calculated, maybe a “numbers” person, it might be a problem if you present in an extroverted, high energy manner, possibly causing frustration as you may be seen as not taking them seriously, not listening or being misinterpreted as if you, as the fundraiser, appear unprofessional, or too casual. That first impression is important and requires some awareness, observation and adaptability in order to connect.
As with most theories, these can also produce unanticipated results. I have found myself in job interviews doing the same thing with interviewers or search committees. If they present as serious, stressed, under pressure, not smiling, and very matter-of-fact (because a great deal of pressure is riding on them to find a good candidate), I would instinctively mirror or meet their serious presentation in a similar manner. As a fundraiser, who should present as a “people person,” positive, excited by the mission, open and caring, matching the subdued culture in the room was not helpful. It was something I needed to pay attention to so that I was aware of this dynamic and able to adapt in a fashion that connected.
Look at it this way, if you were learning about an organization in order to donate a significant amount of money, and you would like to feel comfortable with the organization and its representative, how would you feel if that representative responded in unexpected ways, such as trying to make you laugh, failing to listen, or even talking too much? On the other hand, what if you, as the donor, were really happy and excited to help the mission, then you may not necessarily feel a connection or motivation to give with a fundraiser who fails to match your energy. This can be complicated and tends to rely on art (feeling) more than science (logic), because there are no rules or fool-proof techniques, just your awareness and personality.
This might sound basic, and it is subtle, but lack of awareness regarding how a donor presents, and failure to meet it, can count you out before you even get started. The key here that I learned, is to listen, observe, and use empathy to dictate how you should adapt to different personalities. You still need to be yourself, but you do not want to be a parrot and repeat or mirror everything. Being aware and understanding that your reaction to the way a donor might present can give you a better chance to connect and move forward to a more healthy partnership, without losing your own personality that has made you successful in the first place. You may be surprised that failing to be aware and responding to how a donor presents, can make or break your relationship. It has been my experience.
Photo by Christina Morillo (www.pexels.com)