Posted: 7/8/21
Making the effort to quietly listen to another person is a clear show of value and respect for that individual, and most people will genuinely appreciate the attention they receive (especially donors). However, there are variables at work that can hinder your ability to listen well. For example, did you know that humans speak at an average of 125 words per minute, whereas the human brain processes at approximately 800 words per minute? If you think about it, you will realize that the brain is far out in front when it comes to conversation and communication, and is a common reason why we sometimes interrupt others before they finish because we think we know what they are going to say, especially if we feel the pressure to raise money or make a sale.
There are also mechanisms that try to grab your attention. Try this, choose a place to sit quietly for a few minutes (a park, building foyer, airport, even hallway), and keep track of all of the subtle and not-so-subtle sounds your hear, anywhere from a loud argument to a ticking clock. These sounds are there whether you notice them or not, and the difference is your ability to pay attention. Now add to that the things that are purposely trying to distract you and gain your attention (advertisements, coworkers, kids, street vendors, pets, television, cell phones), and the list goes on. Remember, hearing is the act of your ears picking up sound vibrations, but listening is your ability to process and interpret those sounds. The challenge is that you can hear without listening, and this is a pitfall. You can hear the donor talking but it means nothing if you are not processing the words being said. (This is one reason why major gifts officers try to meet in a quiet place with little distractions).
Now, because of your high-processing brain, you cannot hide behind constant agreeing, or repeating “yeah” in a conversation if you are not listening. This can be a source of deep frustration and insult for the donor as interrupting with a “yeah,” nodding your head too often, or some other acknowledgement at first might be interpreted as listening, but too much can be perceived as just that, an interruption, especially if you fail to show that you understand. You risk producing a feeling of disrespect, which can seriously damage the relationship and take a long time, if ever, to restore.
Here are some strategies that can help with listening. The most effective technique and the one that requires the most self-discipline, is simply allowing the donor/prospect to complete their thought before responding. For those who have difficulty or may struggle with attention deficit, it may sound strange but it is advised to allow the donor to finish talking, then count to 3 in your head before speaking. This works because it helps to ensure the donor is finished speaking before you respond, again showing respect. Saying “yeah” in the middle of a sentence is okay, or nodding, but using it to create an opening for your message can easily backfire, plus, a frustrated donor would not be in the best frame of mind to listen.
The most effective response is to briefly paraphrase or ask questions once the person is finished talking. Paraphrasing reinforces the fact that you are trying to understand, or asking clarifying questions communicates that you are listening and following. When to do this is key (if the donor keeps talking, then you have a bigger problem). It is an art that will develop over time.
The good news is that more often than not, if the donor/prospect does not soak up the attention, and you, as the fundraiser, have done a thorough job of listening, then the speaker (donor/prospect) will often stop and invite you to deliver your message by saying something such as “Now, how can I help you?” You then have their attention. This technique can be effective, but sometimes you may find yourself under preset time constraints for the meeting, and need to present your message. You may be forced to subtly introduce it as the donor/prospect rambles on, and it is up to you as to how you make that happen. Each situation is different. As mentioned in other blog entries, there are few hard and fast rules when it come to dealing with people, so timing is key and at the discretion of the fundraiser. Hopefully, understanding tendencies and impediments to listening will help to develop an effective strategy and create trusting relationships.
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For more thoughts and information on listening, please click here.
I will address listening in greater detail in subsequent blog entries. Please let me know if you have any questions or would like to add some additional insights.