Posted 10/25/21
I learned a valuable lesson from a friend of mine when he told me a story about an acquaintance who came into a signifiant amount of money. Their wives were closer friends, but they did go out together as couples on occasion.
After some time of non-communication, my friend innocently decided to reach out to the wealthy acquaintance and invite him to play golf. What happened next came as quite a surprise. Upon phoning the acquaintance, he was met by the comment “What do you want?” in a somewhat serious tone (not “how have you been” or “great to hear from you”). The call was meant to be a friendly invitation for a fun afternoon. My friend was taken aback and responded by saying “I don’t want anything, only to ask if you would like to play golf?” The conversation then became a little lighter. It was definitely a surprising and uncomfortable phone call at first.
This is not unusual in a major gift call, where a surprise can often happen on the other side of the phone line. Empathy can help. I have never personally been a financially wealthy individual, but I can try to understand the feeling. It became evident based on the tone of voice and type of response, that this individual may have been approached by a number of people who wanted something from him based on his wealth. Since his friendship with my friend was not particularly close, it was assumed by the acquaintance that my friend was going to ask for some kind of financial assistance or support. A reasonable assumption. In trying to understand his reaction, I realized that his wealth made him popular with people he did not even know, and that he became a target for those wanting something. That has to change a person, making him/her skeptical as well as defensive. I tried to put myself in his position and feel how I would react to this situation. His response was understandable based on the number of calls he receives.
This is a great lesson, especially for a major gift fundraiser when performing an outreach and/or cultivation. As a fundraiser, how do you differentiate yourself from all of the other callers in the eyes of this prospect? Unless it is some kind of warm lead or maybe there is a prior connection such as an alum from a university, and even so, there are still no guarantees. Empathy can make a difference.
Some wealthy individuals may not be welcoming, but that does not necessarily mean there is no interest in your cause. As in this case, there is something going on behind the scenes, like being pestered by multiple callers. I often wondered if any of those callers actually listened to the concerns and utilized empathy to understand? I am reasonably sure that most have not, and while it does not guarantee a connection, empathy has worked for me on colder calls. As mentioned in the “Listening post,” taking the time to actively listen is a show of respect, especially for an individual who may feel more like a money dispenser. Many of these people are being contacted over and over by those who “want something.” This understanding (use of empathy) can help to appreciate their feelings, and indicate how to respond. If you imagine how it would feel to receive calls from people who want something and don’t really care about you personally, then you can identify how you would like to be approached in this situation, and so decide accordingly.
Genuine and transparent understanding can give you an idea of how to proceed, and provide the best chance to connect. The pressure to raise funds quickly can affect your patience level, and make you appear pushy. Empathy, on the other hand, can take time but the rewards can also be significant if you genuinely care about the donor and show it through your words and actions. No one said it was easy, but understanding the recipient of your initial contact can be beneficial. If you were a target of such calls, how would you respond?