7/24/21
My first job after graduating from college was selling wall beds (Murphy Beds) with a friend who had been a salesperson with the parent company for several years. He opened one of the first satellite stores and asked me to join him in order to help with sales, inventory and installations. I remember accompanying him on sales calls early in my career and became slightly confused when he told me on the way to the customer’s house, “When I try to close a deal and ask for the sale, don’t say a word after that, no matter how quiet it gets or how long the customer remains silent.” I thought that was strange, but I followed his instructions. Sure enough, the customer went silent. Soon, I started to feel this antsy impulse to say something, keep selling, or explain more benefits, especially if the silence continued. I was afraid that the customer was losing interest, meaning I had better do something or we will lose the sale. This is why I was told to remain silent. It turns out he was right. The customer was often the next to speak, either accepting the deal or raising more questions. Either way, the sales person can closes the sale, or rectify any questions or concerns from the customer, and then try to close again. It was an eye-opening learning experience.
Surprisingly, the same holds true in fundraising as well, especially major gifts. You, as a fundraiser, spend a great deal of time cultivating a relationship with a prospective donor, eventually arriving at the “ask.” Again, once it is presented, it is best to remain silent until the prospective donor responds. One reason for this can be explained by psychological counseling. There are times in a therapy session where the client can turn silent. As a therapist, this can feel extremely awkward, as if you are doing something wrong, or you are losing their interest, so you feel the impulse to say something to break the uncomfortable silence. Unfortunately, if the therapist does interrupt the client, who may be thinking and trying to make sense out of everything that was discussed, it can interfere with the train of thought and throw-off the therapeutic process. It seems so counter-intuitive, but silence is sometimes necessary.
It was explained to me that during the therapy session, the client could become quiet, and if you just remain observant, noticing facial expressions or other gestures, without saying anything, it becomes obvious that the client is in the process of thinking (if you pay attention, you will notice the difference between the client productively thinking and silence due to boredom or lack of interest). If you say something as the therapist while the client is in thought, you risk disrupting the line of thinking and blocking progress. The quiet delay is sometimes referred to as “Pregnant Silence” meaning there is something developing in the mind of the client, you can’t see it but you know something is happening. It may be a breakthrough, but regardless, he/she typically needs some time for uninterrupted thought, so refrain from saying anything.
Being that silence can be awkward and uncomfortable, you, as the fundraiser, need confidence in your cultivation and prospect discovery so that silence does not become intimidating, and asking the right questions along the way also supports productive thinking. Being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean the prospect is uninterested or about to decline the ask, but continuing the conversation by interrupting, rather than allowing silent thought, can result in more work to reestablish the donor’s confidence, because you may unintentionally send the discussion on an unproductive tangent. This is something to think about in your fundraising efforts. Try not to panic during silence and give the prospect time to process everything that has been said. It is also a good idea to inform any colleagues who accompany you to the ask, so they do not make the same mistake.
There are no hard and fast rules as to how long to allow silence to continue, this involves the art of fundraising, meaning you need to rely on your own instincts for knowing when to speak. It can be unsettling at first, which is normal, but the more you experience it, the more comfortable you will become at working with silence in your meetings. It can be challenging, but being comfortable will improve your chances for a successful “ask” (or sale).